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Winter 1995
I'm always amazed at what happens on Tesserville Workshops. The transformation power that occurs when people open themselves up to psychological process, expressive work and the effect of a nurturing group, makes the difficult work of facilitating incredibly rewarding. I love witnessing people being turned on to the creative process. At the beginning people see the art studio as the enemy camp - a place where other people belong - not them. The old voices keep them from entering the sacred space of the creative force. These "lost sheep" begin to see the rest of the fold creating wonderful works and they long to become part of the creative rush. Timid, quiet, in a corner of the studio where no one will see, they begin. The cruel voices die away and the inherent "created in the image" power begins to work its ancient mystery and that person's unique symbolic language begins to be translated through word, sound, form, color or shape. As I guide people to nurture this way within them I see how powerful and important this process is. As many of us search for a spiritual practice in the world, I attempt to bridge my creative work as a sculptor in a spiritual way. The meditative movement of the tools on the stone become a mantra - an ever repeating prayer to the deepening of my own creativity and spirit. As images begin to appear in the medium of the stone, it is like the mystery of a prayer taking root. Letting go into the stone I am a link to ancient artisans of the millenniums who have searched along the creative path. Any medium that one chooses can take on the form of prayer. Our artistic, creative work in the world helps define who we are as a people. When we study ancient cultures, what we have is their creative endeavors that helps us understand who we are today. Keeping this creative link alive is a part of the spiritual path. It is sad when adults come to Tesserville thinking that this part of them is lost or never was. All it takes is a gentle push to help people be reminded that this creative/spiritual path is in our fingers, in our blood. Our bones hold the ancient secrets. It's not that we've lost it or never had it, it's just that we have buried it. We have to remind ourselves that we already know it! Just let it happen! This state of lost creativity is an unfortunate predicament in our society. I have always found it interesting that in our country we have no Cabinet position for Department of Culture, no Minister of Culture, no person as leader of the arts. With the National Endowment for the Arts in near crisis, with right wing policy overseeing funding and censorship, the arts in America are in trouble. Our children are not being taught the power of their own creativity, because we as adults don't hold it dear enough. Testing the ancient secrets we hold in our fingertips is too risky, so we sit back and watch the sitcom rerun. The arts become electives in our schools and with the first signs of budget cuts, they are out. Our youth gets the message - it's not that important. Being an artist myself and understanding the artistic struggle, I honor this timidity, this resistance to entering the sacred space of inner creativity. The risks can sometimes seem overwhelming, but the rewards are endless. If we can cross the abyss to the shores of creativity we become strong links in the chain of our spiritual ancestors and our society as a whole takes on more meaning.
In the last installment, we explored how, the rage-aholic blames everyone for his/her position as a victim in the world. In that regard, the rage-aholic and depressive person are alike. The difference between the two is that the rage-aholic perceiving him/herself as a victim, puts the blame and aims the rage about the victimization outward in an explosive way at others. The rage-aholic avoids their anger because they are afraid that if the anger is manifested, he/she will be rejected by others. To avoid that rejection, they hold it in until it can't be held in any longer. Of course, the explosions don't endear them to others anyway. That, however, is typical of neurotic systems, the very thing we try to avoid using the system is the very thing we create with the system. The depressed person, on the other hand, believes he/she is being treated the way they are because they are not worth enough to be treated any better. In their sense of unworthiness, they believe they don't have the right to stand up for their Self. To consider Self defense rouses profound and intense feelings of guilt and/or shame. Because those feelings are so powerful and painful, that person constantly turns away from the expression of anger as a way of managing, keeping under control those "terrible" feelings of guilt/shame. The anger, having nowhere to go, is dumped into an internal cauldron where it boils away as rage. Unlike the rage-alholic, however, that internal rage, instead of being aimed outward when it can no longer be managed, is aimed inward at the Self. Because of the guilt and/or shame about having anger, the person blames him/her Self for the victimization rather than others. Furthermore, because the anger, the ability to respond and defend ones
Self against violation, is buried, trapped, jailed inside, the person
perceives him/her Self as defenseless to the world of others. Because
the Self protection that is normally gained through anger is lost, the
person learns to protect their Selves from the violation of others by
withdrawing from them. That, however, generates a profound sense of loneliness
which, in turn, generates its own rage about the loneliness. That internal rage at the Self manifests itself as a constant blaming of the Self for any perceived imperfection in thought or behavior no matter how small, taking the responsibility for anything that might go wrong in the world around the person, to somatic symptoms like chronic muscular tension, headaches, intestinal distress to thoughts of suicide or actually the taking of one's life as a way of acting out the rage at the Self about all of this. The core of depression, then, is a dense nodule, an intermixture of helplessness, confusion about one's situation in the world, loneliness and the repressed rage. In the next installment, we will take a closer look at this cycle of anger repression-rage eruptions-anger repression to help us find the weak point in it to break the cycle: THE RAGE CYCLE: MOVING TO BREAKING IT.
This came across our desk recently from another organization. People age 5 to 95 share what they have learned. I've learned that most of the things I worry about never happen (age 64). I've learned that every great achievement was once considered impossible (age 47). I've learned that you can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk (age 7). I've learned that I should make all the little decisions with my head and the big ones with my heart (age 57). I've learned that to love and be loved is the greatest joy in the world (age 78). I've learned that if there were no problems there would be no opportunities (age 19). I've learned that it doesn't cost anything to be nice (age 66). I've learned that the important thing is not what others thing of me but what I thing of me (age 38). I've learned that in every face to face encounter, no matter how brief, you leave something behind (age 45). I've learned that regardless of color or age, we all need about the same amount of love (age 37). I've learned that you should keep your promises no matter what (age 81). I've learned that education, experience and memories are three things no one can take away from you (age 67). I've learned that the simple things are often the most satisfying (age 63). I've learned that if you laugh and drink soda pop at the same time it will come out your nose (age 7). I've learned that children are the best teachers of creativity, persistence and unconditional love (age 37). I've learned that successful living is like playing the violin - it must be practiced daily (age 70). I've learned that a sunroof is worth the extra cost (age 29). I've learned that happiness is like perfume - you can't give it away without getting some on you (age 59). I've learned that if you smile at people, they will almost always smile back (age 81). I've learned that homemade Toll House cookies should be eaten while they are still warm (age 29). I've learned that goldfish don't like Jell-o (age 7). I've learned that you can't expect life's very best if you aren't giving it your best (age 51). I've learned never to underestimate the potential and power of the human spirit (age 81). I've learned I still have a lot to learn (age 92). |
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