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Spring 1995
A fundamental law about feelings is, "All feelings have a reason
to be." That is, if we feel a Feelings function to keep us aware of what is going on around us so that we can be at rest in relationship to the environment (well-being feelings) or to correct a problem that may endanger our Selves (warning feelings). That seems to be pretty straight forward, so what's the problem? In prior articles we have talked about how we dump the warning feelings which we tend to label as "bad" into an internal container. The container into which we dump these "unwanted" feelings has another name - it can also be called the unconscious. In the world of the unconscious, there is a very complex arrangement and interaction of internal personae. In that inner world, created between the developmental years of 2-5, there is the internal parent, the Inner Other, who prohibits the expression of the forbidden feelings. The forbidden feelings are themselves entities who exist in the condition of the developmental time in which they were cut off from the main developing Self. So if the child was 3 years old when he/she learned anger could not be expressed, that part of the Self exists in the condition of a three year old. The forbidden feelings, then, exist as personae themselves who, because they live in the condition of children, are called Inner Children. In addition to the disowned feeling parts of the Self, there also lives in this inner world of the unconscious another Child persona. This is the part of the Self, who believes the parental person is absolutely essential to the survival of the Self. This is the part of the Self who allies her/himself with the internalized parent. This Inner Child slavishly obeys the orders of the inner Other Parent. Because of this alliance, a good name for this part of the Self is the Ally-Of-The-Inner-Other, Ally for short. It is because of this alliance of the Ally and the Inner Other that the prohibited feelings are kept out of sight and mind. Both kinds of Inner Children, the repressed feelings (Instinctual Children), and the Ally, notify the adult part of the Self, the Central I, that the Self is in danger from each of their perspectives through anxiety or some other communication. In the rage-aholic system, Anger being consistently ignored, experiences the Self in ever increasing danger because the proper actions to protect the Self cannot be taken. To correct this situation, it sends out signals of anxiety to the Central I. When the anxiety becomes intense enough, the Central I shifts her/his attention to that source of anxiety and lets Anger out of the "cage." However, because so much pressure has built up in the anger "place", Anger comes out with great intensity (rage). That alerts the Ally that the Inner Other's prohibitions have been transcended and the Self is in danger of losing the "all important other". This in turn triggers anxiety, guilt and shame coming from the Ally that gets the Central I to once again put Anger back in jail. And the cycle begins all over again. In the depressive system, a prohibited feeling like anger is rarely let out. The result is that the person feels depression, which, when looked at more closely, contains an amalgam of feelings which often includes anxiety, anger at Self, guilt, shame, worthlessness, physical pain and maybe a few others added in from time to time. All of those feelings are the repressed feelings' attempt to communicate the problem, "the something that is wrong about what's happening." Because of this inner place of the unconscious and its arrangement and power structure, we live in two realities. One reality is the "outside" reality - the one in which I relate to you and you relate back to me. That's the straightforward one. The other is the internal reality - the one in which all these inner personae of the unconscious are re-interacting with other and because of the interaction all kinds of feelings are being generated. It is because we exist simultaneously within these two realities and because one of them is by definition unconscious we often don't know to what some of our feelings are a response. As a result, we often direct them at persons or events where they don't belong. And that is why we have trouble with our feelings because often we are dealing "with only half the deck." If we are able to discern more clearly where the feelings are coming from, what they are a response to and, as a result, we understand better how they might be able to be used to deal with the problem (usually internal) that is present then, "All feelings have a reason to be" makes sense. In the next installment, we will look at how it is possible to address this inner world in a new way as a way to resolve some of the difficulties we have with the feelings that emanate from the unconscious place.
The Spring can be a healing time for people. As the early darkness of
the Winter months And yet, for many of us, it is very difficult to shift internal pressure. Our outer world is shouting SPRING! while our inner world is just shouting. I hear from clients, "When will this be over?", "Why am I not making more progress?", "It is too difficult to change". I often speak of people viewing their process from a linear perspective. Starting at point "A", I must move to point "Z" in a specific amount of time. If I do not win the race in that specific amount of time, I fail. This Olympian perspective only causes more stress. As we start the journey of inner searching, so much emerges, it often seems overwhelming. If, on top of that, we place this perspective of, "I was going to do this process in six months", that only adds to the burden. I often suggest that people see the inner process in a circular path rather than linear. The process works as a continuum - sometimes we need to go through things more than once - we return to a place because we need more insight about it. We make progress by simply knowing we are in the process - we have committed to the deep creativity of the inner search. There is no formal end point. Formal therapy can end, but the process always continues. We learn we are more in life and that can very much be "making progress". Change can be simple and difficult at the same time. Like in yin yang, both simplicity and difficulty have their place. It can be simple by making a commitment to ask a question when we don't understand something rather than beating up our Selves (or having the inner other do its number) when we don't understand. Saying the words, "What do you mean?" are very simple to formulate with the mouth, but the difficulty is enormous if we were never allowed to ask questions. It can be simple by literally practicing to say "NO" - just saying the word over and over, writing it, drawing it. The simplicity of this type of exercise can help the difficulty of truly knowing our "NO". Change can be as simple or difficult (depending on one's perspective at a given moment) as knowing there are some issues that may need to be worked on for life. Great progress can be learning to relax with that one. The cycle of the seasons is the great teacher. The seasons never go from Winter to Spring and there it stops on a linear path. That would mean death. Rather, it is a circle. When I see that first daffodil in the garden, it is sign of hope. The cycle begins again - in all its simplicity and difficulty - to emerge. The ritual time of Passover and Easter with their themes of slavery, death and rebirth that the Winter-Spring brings to us also proves that we must re-experience the Holy time each year. Our "progress" comes from going through the slavery-passion-freedom each year - for more understanding and growth of the meaning of that process. Going through all that beautiful deepness just once would never be enough!
Our belief, confidence, faith and trust is radically altered when we
survive a traumatic The directed retreat provides time to carefully investigate and challenge our current beliefs and relateability. Each day we have an opportunity to participate in a half hour private session with Jack and in a one hour evening conference in community. The garden provides enhancement for sharing and quiet meditation. Working with the Earth awakens our sense. The climate of the retreat is designed to effect us psychologically, emotionally and physically which opens us spiritually to experience the tangible presence of God. During this retreat our belief, our faith, confidence and trust, in part, is restored. There is a break day in the middle of the week. It's a day just for fun.
Tiny, tiny hands in the womb - groping, exploring, pushing - tiny hands
that are free - tiny Tiny hands coming forth, sensing the unknown, struggling to hold back in warmth and security. Tiny hands grasping at air, going into the mouth - ah - some gratification - some security - some awareness of need. Tiny hands clutching at the unknown turning it into the known - learning with struggle that which can be held onto, that which can be grasped - that which can be learned - that which can be felt - the sensation coming from the feeling - warmth - security - nourishment - pain. Hands now learning to care for oneself - to survive - to help - hands struggling with difficult chores - hands learning the warmth of the Earth - hands learning to nurture Self - hands learning how to survive - hands learning control - hands recoiling in fear - hands striking out in anger - hands mastering the ordinary strifes of life - hands carrying weight - hands groping - seeking - reaching out. Gnarled hands - stiff hands - beautiful sensitive hands - caring, touching, encouraging, blessing, consoling, loving, reaching to grasp the eternal hand - not alone but with the hands of others - realizing the need of the feel of others' hands, the strength of others' hands.
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