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Relational: Because of these inner belief system, how we do or don't relate to other persons is profoundly effected. Surely, if we see the world as a fundamentally hostile place in which my inner assumption is that I will necessarily be judged by others in a negative way, then the only posture I can have to others is to be at least guarded. Because of that essential guarded-ness, the person who finds himself in this position would not be able to experience a genuine sense of connectedness with others. The internal logic goes something like this, ‘If I allow others to get too close, they will discover my flaws, imperfections which will cause them to reject me. If I am rejected, that means I am no-good.' Thus, to allow the true sense of being connected to someone is dangerous, so I must keep up a wall between myself and the rest of the world. This results in a profound sense of aloneness in the world. This means that even though I might be surrounded by persons who genuinely like or love me & manifest that in all kinds of ways, I am inaccessible to that. To that person, any sense of intimacy with others is at least blunted or completely lost to the point where that person finds it hard to conceive of what that means. Such a person finds the concept, let alone the experience of love incomprehensible, beyond them. Furthermore, underlying all of this, is the person's fundamental inability to trust others. Such a person finds it difficult if not impossible to accept help or consideration from others. They will do for the other to the point of exhaustion. But when it comes to needing something for themselves, the only one who can do it is themselves. To accept help is often regarded as a sign of weakness, incapability, and dangerous. Back To The Wounds |
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